Patchy's Blog 3: Most Befuddling
by Onion Riffs
Summary: Patchy discovers a...story that is befuddling, to say the least.


_**Current Mood:**__Baffled_

_**Currently Reading:**__The most befuddling rape of the senses in existence._

_Oriental Transience of Scarlet Waning Moon. You need only to read the name to realize the utter idiocy of this piece of fiction. However, unlike the previous story, not the one that Marisa read, the one __I__ read(I need to find a way to keep her off my computer...), it is absolutely insane. I am not joking. This story is so ridiculously stupid that it is completely insane. And I will be giving it a read._

CHAPTER 1: YUKAIR'S EVIL PLANE

_I do not know who Yukair is, or why they have an evil plane, but let me assure you that this story explains neither of those things._

medicine melancholy was playin in here field of flowers of poison and then she heard from her bff marylin satangod

_If you did not find absurdity in the lack of any proper grammar, surely the name "Marylin Satangod" has shown itself to be one of the most ridiculous names in existence._

that there was a monster that was burning all the flowers everywhere

_All of the flowers. Regardless of location, they were burning. Even in the rain._

meidcine is the protector of the flowers

_Ah, I was under the impression that Kazami-san was more heavily associated with flowers then the poisonous doll, but apparently I was completely wrong._

so she had to be stopiing them from destroying all the flowers. so she borrowed marylins powerful magical power(becausemeidcine is actually superweakand had no powers and she has to get her powers from marylins)

_Oh, Marylin, what can you not do? Aside from get a description of any kind._

and she made alot of poison but the monster was YUKAIR!

_So __that__ is what Yukair is. A fire monster._

medicine said OMG and she ran away because she knewthat yuakri was the most powerul touhou ever.

_What relevance does this information have? She has encountered Yukair, has she not? And what is a "touhou"?_

and tghen yuakri said I am destoryed all the youkai befcause I am the queen of ensokyo and all the other youkai and stupid and i need to kill them all because then i will get all the power and be able to destroy everything!

_A clear example of flawless logic. Or rather, it would be if this sentence even began to make sense._

maryline then said NO I WILL STOP YOU BECAUE I AM THE OPPOSITE OFMEDIECNE AND I REALLY LIKE EVERYTHING AND IM NOT EVIL so marylin threw her magic at yuakir and made her umbrella become completely on fire!

_Yes, __completely__ on fire._

(marylin has the most powerful fire magic ever and it can pburn everything)

_Oh, what is that I hear? Oh, it is my Mary Sue alarm. You know, this really should have reacted when I read the name "Marylin Satangod"._

yuakir ran away into the air really fast

_As one often does._

because she liked her umbrealla a lot and she needed to go fix it from tbruning

I WILL BE BACK MARYLIN AND I WILL KILL YOU!

_Nothing of value will be lost._

OH MARYLIN said medicine and she cryed tears made out of poison WHAT WILL HAPPEN TO ME IF SHE KILLS YOU? marylin sasid that I will not let you die becuae you are my best friends and we have known eachotehr for a hundred billion years and we are best friends!

_A hundred billion years. Before yokai existed in any tangible form._

OH MARYLIN SAID mediciene and she cryed a lot all over everywhere. marylin let mediceine cry on her huge boobies and it was really hot and sexy but it was cute too.

_Referring to anything involving Medicine Melancholy as "hot and sexy" renders me slightly distraught, as her physical development resembles that of a seven-year-old girl._

We have to stop her from killing everybody medsincein,

_Ah, a new character._

you have to help me too with your poison! said marylin and then marylin kissed medicine and medicine blushed kawaii and cute!

_Marylin then died, as Medicine Melancholy produces poison from her skin at all times._

MEANWHILE IN THE SCARLET DEVIL HAUNTED MANSIONS:

_Excuse me? I live here. It is not haunted._

remilia was sipping some rtea made out of blood but it wasn't gross and it tasted like real tea too.

_The author speaks of this as if it is unusual. Considering Remilia-san dislikes the taste of blood, it is not particularly strange._

she crossed her long sexy model legs

_... Are we thinking of the same Remilia? The one I know may indeed be five-hundred years old, but she is physically no older then ten._

and tapped her long sexy nails on the sexy table

_The sexy, sexy table._

that her blood tea was on. Sakuya! screamed the remilia

The Remilia. As opposed to all the others.

I sense a distrubance in the power of the scarlate moon.../.

_I cannot even begin to guess what this means, but I have never heard Remilia-san say anything like it._

sakuyat appread with her magic and she was really there the whole time but you didnt know because she was use time magic.

_That is not how Izayoi-san's magic works._

I sense the disturbance too my mistress... agrred sakutae.

_I agrre._

sakutya was wearing a blood red dress that was died with real blood

_It is a good thing Sakutya is wearing that, as Sakuya-san would never wear something_ _that utterly ridiculous. In addition, blood dries brown, not red._

and she was nsaked except for a bloody apron

_So she was __**not**__ wearing a dress? Brilliant continuity, author._

and she also had on socks that had black and red stripes and she lookined like she was from hot topic and she looked really sexy because she has big boobies.

_... But was she more sexy then the table?_

I know that yukari is probably using her eveil magic to ruin everything

_Yakumo-san and ruining everything? Hardly. More like Yakumo-san and being lazy._

because yukair is really eveil because she told me yesterday that she was goonna kill everyone yestreday said remilia.

_I am going to assume that you mispelled Yukair as Yukari, because Yukari and evil are two __very__ different things._

I know said sakuya i was there but you didn't know that becuse i used my time magic to hear the converstaion and i was there the whole time.

_Once again, the ability to freeze time does not work that way._

HOW DARE YOU! slapped remilia is sakutaiyas face.

_"This is stupid, " I punched._

I am so srory master i only do this because i care about yourt safety and i am secretly in love with you!

_I am so srory._

cried skuaya and she cried all sexy and she was blushing so kawaii.

_Ah, yes. Crying. So sexy._

That's not good enough said remilai and she started to havbe sex

ಠ___ಠ

on her when flandre walked in and saw them and said OMG! falndre was wearing a blood red dress like sakutya and it was covered in real blood and her wings were the sixze of bowling pins

_Bowling pins. Apparently they are quite large now._

and they were super scary and big and her hari was blond and glittering like in the sunlight from the scarleate moon(but not like twilight because it was the moon and flandre can't go in the sun because she will burtn like a REAL VAMPIRE)

_... No, I do not understand what is going on, in case you were wondering._

FLANDRE ITS NOT WHAT YOU THINK! screamd remilia as she pulled her pants back on and stomped sexing sakuya.

_"Stomped sexing"? That sounds terribly painful._

I AHTE YOU BIG SISTER, YOU KNOW I LOVE SAKUTA YOU ARE EVIL! and flandre flewint o the air and broke a giant whoe in teh celijng and flew out of the hole!

_Yes. Flandre-chan clearly loves Izayoi-san and is in no way a small, cheerful child who adores her older sister. Though I admit I find myself curious as to how Flandre-chan and Remilia-san are physically the same age, yet Remilia is older..._

OH NO! screamedc sakuyat! I HOPE SHE DOESNT JOIN SIDES WITH YUAKRIA DN DESTORY GENSOKYO!

_Because __**that**__ makes perfect sense._

if that's the case said remillia we may have to use the ultimate magic... Bring me pathcoulis...

_Pathcoulis? Ah, good. I am not in this story._

MEANWHLE IN THE FOREST OF MAGIC(WARNING THIS PART IS SEXY!):

_But is it more sexy then that table?_

marisa and alice were making about and it was really hot

_WHAT._

and alice was nasked and marisa was nasked too but she still had her hat on! OMG MARISA YOU ARE SO SEXY! screamed alice while they maked out.

WHAT.

I know said marisa and they maked out more. Just when they were abotu to have sex on weachtoehr,

_NO. I... I mean, no, it's not like I care who's getting paired with Marisa-cha-Kirisame-san in this story, not at all, I just... Moving on._

there was a knock on the door. marisa opened it and it was REIMU but she was DEAD!

_... As if the story had not already reached the pinnacle of its idiocy._

Marisa help me... marylin turned me into... A ZOMBVIE! screamed remiu.

_The Mary Sue hero turned the important miko into a zombie? Why, that sounds rather like the act of a villain, does it not?_

OMG said alice and she ran over and picked up reimu because she fell over because she was a zombie. What do we do marisa? yelled alice. Don't worry said marisa, i have an potion that tunrs people back to normal no matter what happens to them.

_How convenient._

So she gave it to reimu and ashe wasn't a zombie anymore, but she has to wear an eyepatch now to cover her red eye fileld with the evil energy maruylin put into her to make her into a zombie.

_... I believe the story has reached such a point in stupidity that it is impossible for it to go any lower._

why did marylin turn you into a zombie? said marisa. because they said yukair turned evil and that meant i was evil to obecause i was her girlfirend and that i had to die in order to stop me said reimu.

_... Disregard my previous statement._

i don't understand!

_Neither do I._

said alice yukari is so prety and hse's super nice to us and she would never be eveil because she's a good person i know that because we used to date and she was my best friend too! said alice.

_While Margatroid-san's reason make little to no sense, she is correct. Yakumo-san would never turn evil. This makes no sense. But really, that is old news._

OMG said marisa why did you not tell me that you date yukari?

_Also, the concept of Margatroid-san and Yakumo-san dating is rather hilarious, really._

I will tell you later said alice right now we need to find out the truth about this incident and stop marulin from killing everone because hse thinks yukair is evil.

_Killing __**everyone**__ because you believe one person is evil. The logic there is astounding._

but how can we stop marylin? said reimu she is the most powerful youkai ever and her fire of death can burn evertything! don't worry said marisa.

_Oh, hello, ridiculous Mary Sue powers._

WE HAVE THE POWER OF LOVE! and they all joined hands in a circle and drew and smiley face and their hands like in the first epidsode of yugioh!

_... Well, that was an... __**interesting**__ experience, was it not? But that is not all. This literary abomination has a second chapter. I will be getting to that, for reasons beyond my comprehension, later. Signing off_


End file.
